Is “The One” Real? Rethinking the Soulmate Myth

The idea of finding “The One” is everywhere—from childhood fairytales to Hollywood rom-coms. But what if this belief is actually harming our relationships more than helping them?

Let’s unpack the myth of the soulmate and explore what really makes love last.

Where Did the Idea Come From?

The concept of soulmates has ancient roots. Plato once suggested that humans were split in half and destined to spend their lives searching for their missing piece. Over time, this idea merged with spiritual teachings and, more recently, romantic storytelling that paints love as magical, instant, and effortless.

Sounds beautiful—but is it realistic?

The Problem with the Fairytale Version of Love

When we’re fed the idea that love should be easy and feel perfect from the start, we begin to doubt our relationships the moment conflict or discomfort shows up. If someone truly were “The One,” wouldn’t everything just… flow?

In reality, even the best relationships involve effort. Love grows through communication, shared values, compromise, and a willingness to keep showing up—even when it’s hard. Passion might be instant, but compatibility is something we build.

Does “The One” Actually Exist?

It’s tempting to believe there’s one perfect person out there just for you. But with billions of people in the world, the idea of only one match doesn’t hold up.

More importantly, this mindset can keep us stuck—always searching for perfection or doubting what we already have. Believing in “The One” can lead to unrealistic expectations, fear of settling, and a lack of effort when things don’t feel effortless.

Instead, what if love is less about fate and more about choice?

What Makes Love Work?

The strongest relationships aren’t built on destiny. They’re built on:

• Emotional safety – Feeling heard, supported, and understood

• Shared values – Being aligned on the things that matter most

• Growth mindset – A willingness to evolve together over time

You can deeply love someone, but if your goals, priorities, or communication styles don’t align, the relationship may struggle. Love isn’t just about chemistry—it’s about compatibility.

Timing Matters Too

You might meet someone amazing, but if one of you isn’t emotionally ready or in the right place in life, the relationship might not last. Timing, personal growth, and emotional availability are just as important as connection.

Being “ready” for love means being self-aware, emotionally grounded, and clear about what you want in a relationship.

Can You Have More Than One Soulmate?

Absolutely. Different people can be right for us at different stages of life. Some relationships teach us, others heal us, and a few help us grow into the next version of ourselves.

Instead of waiting for the perfect fit, focus on building a relationship that works for the person you are now—and the person you’re becoming.

Letting Go of the Soulmate Myth

If you’ve been waiting for “The One” to magically appear, it might be time to shift your focus. Lasting love isn’t something that just happens—it’s something we create through effort, honesty, and mutual growth.

Start by becoming the kind of partner you want to attract. Look for shared values over surface-level spark. Choose someone who’s willing to build something real with you.

Because love isn’t about finding the perfect person. It’s about creating a meaningful partnership with someone who’s willing to grow alongside you.

If this resonates and you’re ready to explore your relationship mindset, therapy can be a powerful step. You don’t have to navigate it alone.

Reach out at vee@headquarterscounsellingservices.com.au —I’m here to help.

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Vee Vinci is the CEO of HeadQuarters Counselling Services, offering direct, down-to-earth guidance on relationships, career development, and personal growth. For more thought-provoking conversations on topics that matter, visit our website or subscribe to our podcast.